WHAT IS DEATH?

Gary’s friend Andrew JR Quek died at the unfortunate age of 23, brain cancer. Gary had known him since about the 3rd or 4th grade and I sobbed one night thinking about his parents, their only child.

I was always so thrilled that Gary had another Chinese-American boy as a friend -- being raised very similarly as Andrew. Andrew had a smile that could light up the sky. He walked with a slight limp, which didn't’ seem to hold him back. He was the Manager of the HS Track Team and at one of the very boring end of the year ceremonies his coach thanked him and said, “He was an adult when I needed him to be an adult, and a boy when I needed him to be a boy”. To me this sums up Andrew’s character – all around everything to everyone.

There was a line around the block to get in to his memorial and we waited for over 20 minutes in the hot hot sun. Some people were already crying in line. Alice and Sam, his parents greeted everyone just outside the main memorial room entrance. Alice remembered the time Jake borrowed Andrew’s ID to get in to the Daily show—since he wasn’t 18. Funny, we had all forgotten that. Then there was the time Andrew came over to sell us the Cutco knives and David brought out our big Chinese cleaver to do a whacking comparison (on the demonstration rope, remember?). Yikes. Put that away. We bought $300 worth of knives.

Alice spoke at Andrew’s memorial and all I could think of was Wow, how brave. I think she wanted everyone to remember her son as she did. She made a beautiful joke – that so many people remembered Andrew’s big smile. Of course he had a great smile she said, “Both of his parents are dentists”. There’s no way I can imagine their grief but see their brave faces honoring their son. I look at his mom and see myself. I have a son, now she does not, I cannot bear this feeling.

A friend of Andrew’s spoke and read from her blog. She said she loved to write and Andrew loved to read what she wrote. Here’s something she left us with, which made a lasting memory on me.

What is death? Many people are scared of death, probably due to the unknown. To her, death is like a soft fluffy pillow, or the sound of big waves, or the color of a beautiful sunset.

Rest-in-peace our dear Andrew.

http://obits.nj.com/obituaries/starledger/obituary.aspx?pid=165764932#fbLoggedOut