I have looked in to the eyes of death and seen my mother's face in my aunt's body. "Hi Auntie Ellen, how are you"? I am shocked, and I bite my tongue because Auntie Ellen looks just like my mother. We move along like nothings wrong but my mother is looking at me but its not her. I am scared, I am freaked out, but I pretend its nothing because we have come to visit her and she needs me. I need her.
Has my mother somehow taken over Auntie Ellen's body? This is how I know Auntie Ellen is ready to go. Yes its her, no its clearly not, but they've always looked the same so I'm so confused.
She looks like my mother right before she died, but I did not know my mother was going to die then. Now I know the look of death. I thought you just take chemo and you get better and you live on. My friend later told me her husband said, "Julie doesn't know her mother is going to die". How could I be so naive?
She gives me her yarn, she asks me a question. She smiles at me in her brown beenie cap. She talks to me about death. "Sharon says I am giving away my things too soon, but I'm going to die". I'm too chicken to say what I think, "Yes, Auntie Ellen, everyone dies. Are you afraid?" I'm afraid, but somehow I'm not.
She dies one week later. My heart sinks but it doesn't because I know she is at peace. She is looking at me and I am looking back at her. Is it you? Who are you? Why do you have to die?
I have looked in to the eyes of death and felt no fear.
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