My Dad Passed Away on January 18th

Cooking, Eating & Smiling.  Those are the memories of me & my Dad.

 It was Chinese New Year yesterday and I picked up the phone to call my Dad to wish him a Happy New Year.  Only he wasn't there.  I wonder how many times I'll do things like that.

My Dad had been sick for awhile and we were prepared but you can never be ready.  We started him in hospice care on a Friday morning which included morphine and an anti-anxiety pill.  His breathing was very labored and he kept taking the oxygen tubes off his nose because they were uncomfortable.  The next day he was very agitated.  He kept calling for us saying "I need help".  "What do you need help with Dad?"  "Everything".  My heart sank.  "I want to go back to my room.  I'm having a heart attack".  His aide later told us this was part of the dying process, when they are confused and delirious.  He thought he was in the hospital.

The nurse gave him a sponge bath around 2 and at about 4 the head nurse came.  She told us kids he was near the end and to call the funeral home and begin to make arrangements.  She spoke to Dad's girlfriend and told her that "Bob is waiting for you to let him know its ok to go.  You need to go in there and speak to him and let him know its ok."

She did.  She spoke to him for about 15 minutes about the cruises they'd been on, some of the vacations and dinners they'd had.  Then poof, within one hour he was gone.

After Dora spoke to him the nurse called us in to say his condition had changed and we should be with him.  It all happened so fast and I saw him take his last breath.  I thought I'd be scared but I wasn't.  His deep breaths became less deep with longer intervals between.  My brother and sister and I were there together with Dora when he passed away.  I knew it happened but others didn't. It was hard to hold back my sobs.   The nurse took his blood pressure and pulse and said the time of death was 7:15 because he had been gone for about two minutes already.

A previous nurse told us not to cry in front of him or to say anything negative.  They can still hear you fifteen minutes after their heart stops beating.  Its amazing what the human spirit can endure.  We were holding his hand and telling him we knew he could hear us and it was ok to go.  I wanted to say, now you will be with Mommy but of course couldn't say that in front of his girlfriend.

Afterwards we had a toast to his great life with some sparkling wine we had in the refrigerator.  We had ordered some Italian food and when the nurse called us in to say good bye his girlfriend said "too bad Bob, you missed a good meal".  I didn't want to kiss him goodbye because I was afraid I had garlic & oil on my lips but kissed him on the forehead anyway.  I don't think he would have cared, and most of all, I didn't care.  I wanted to kiss my Dad.

Click here for Dad's Obituary